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Humor

How To Get People To Stop Talking To You

By Kristan Tate Winter 2012. Our canadian cousins are over for the festivities and one of them is eyeing me like I’m a dead cat in a stream. “Don’t you want children?”, she asks. I responded, “Well that would just be mean at this point, don’t you think?” She didn’t laugh. I say that to… Keep Reading

Humor

Commons Day Trader Loses Fortune In Fudge Bars Futures

By Joe Iaquinto Chaos ran amok on Thursday, November 19th in Commons Dining Hall on Freshman Hill as a day trader by the name of Sir Lee Jackson went on a rage fueled rampage because her investment in Fudge Bar futures turned sour. Jackson was reported shouting “I thought you all loved chocolate!” while jumping… Keep Reading

Humor

Zake Kav’eb’s Tips For Surviving The Semester

Hi, I’m Zake Kav’eb, college student and JRPG protagonist, with a few tips on how to get the most out of this coming semester: Explore everywhere. Take your time. If the lecture is at all plot-relevant, it won’t start until you get there. So be sure to walk into every other room in the building… Keep Reading

Humor

The Staunchy Adventures of Swagsquatch: Episode 1

Be still, my friends, for I have a tale to tell. It was 4 years ago from this day. My parents had decided that for their anniversary, the whole family should suffer a weekend in the cold dark wilds of New Jersey. We would spend each day foraging for scraps among the many treacherous guido… Keep Reading

Humor

I Regret Everything: Texting People – Dude Edition

By Kristan Tate This time around, I’d like to focus on text messages between me and dude people. Granted, this article is a bit shorter than the female version (READ IT!), but that’s because I’m kind of a pimp like that. P.S. For the most part, all of these are unedited. Granted, I have made… Keep Reading

Humor

RPI Introduces New Course: Creative Writing For Tinder Profiles

By Noah Tebben In a hallmark display of cutting-edge learning here at RPI, the department of Humanities and Social Sciences has introduced a new course tailored to help lovable nerds express themselves over the popular dating app Tinder. The class, WRIT 2069 for those interested, is currently only offered in the spring, but department head… Keep Reading

Humor

Cerebral Pantsings 5: All Aboard Coke Mountain

Idina Menzel’s “Let it Go”: The Worst Dope Fiend in New York First of all, let me just say that of all the songs on this list, I hate this one the most. And no, it’s not because I’m anti-feminist, this song being the theme of a feminist cartoon. I am, but that’s not the… Keep Reading

Humor

Booty In The Hood – A Critical Review

By Our Chief Youtube Connoisseur I recently became aware of the acclaimed YouTube series by director David Bias known as Booty in the Hood. The 10-piece chronology is set in an urban neighborhood and showcases an array of booty from various women featured in the films. At first, I was confused. The series has no… Keep Reading

Humor

Why Our Money Is Dumb

By Somebody With Too Much I’ve always hated money. Too many people have too much, and too many people don’t have enough. In a perfect world, the very concept would be reprehensible. Why would you need to give people goods/services according to their level of service to the community if everyone was already doing their… Keep Reading

Humor

Local Student Horrified To Discover He Is NPC

By Peter Wood This past Tuesday, Aidan Stone, a second-year student dual-majoring in communications and game design, was utterly devastated when he heard the news that the rest of his life would be spent giving fairly useless pieces of lore to passersby. “People had always looked at me funny, called me repetitive, just because I… Keep Reading

Humor

‘Illuminazis Do Not Exist’ Claims Prominent Illuminazi Leader

Reported on by Peter Wood In his fourth such public announcement, Adolf Weishaupt, Überpriest of the Illuminazis, declared again that any claims of the existence of such an organization as the Illuminazis are completely fallacious. “The Illuminazis do not exist, nor have they ever existed,” claimed the controversial leader. “And führermore– excuse me, furthermore– even… Keep Reading

Humor

Baby Boomers Officially Ruin Facebook for Millennials

By Thomas Lloyd October 2015, Facebook has released official reports utilizing user data which concludes that baby boomers have officially ruined Facebook for millennials. Those born between 1946 and 1964, AKA our parents, have become the prominent user group on Facebook, shadowing millennials by a vast number. Not only have baby boomers ruined the economy,… Keep Reading

Humor

The Hottest Fall Fashion: Career Fair Shirts

Everyone’s been asking me, “Mike, you’re fashionable and charismatic. What should I wear this season?” It’s tough to generalize the zeitgeist of cloth and stitching most likely to get one laid, but I’ve received enough fan mail to give it a shot. I’ve thought long, hard, and throbbing about what is “in” right now; what… Keep Reading

Humor

An Insider Look Into Peter Molyneux’s Home Life

By Noah Tebben Yes, dear readers, it’s happened again. Peter Molyneux’s grand vision of a world unbound by the cruel restrictions of follow-through and finished products has come crashing down at the feet of many angry gamers. His followers have funded his most recent disaster, a god simulation game named Godus, only to be met… Keep Reading

Humor

Talk Whirly To Me: A Fan Fanfic

Japanese Folding Fan – Honestly, there’s nothing sexier than a hand-held fan of Asian descent. This foxy minx likes to start things off with a bit of slow, rhythmic breezing before escalating into full on crop-dusting, if you know what I mean. But you must be gentle with this one, being the delicate flower that… Keep Reading

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