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Donald Trump Diagnosed With Zika; Scientists Unsure If Ego Will Shrink

Donald J. Trump, the infamous asshole-turned-businessman-turned-politician, was diagnosed with the Zika virus in Brazil. Top scientists familiar with the Zika epidemic are currently attempting to understand the situation and how Trump contracted the disease. When asked for comment, the head of the CDC, Pomponius van Rompe, said “we’re revising our understanding of the virus, in… Keep Reading


9 Fads That Will Never Catch On

Written language Sure, being able to store information near-indefinitely might be nice, but honestly it’s just too much work to remember all the little squiggly marks and what they mean. The year 2013 Do I even have to explain this one? Seriously. This has no lasting appeal; it’s going to stick around for a year… Keep Reading


Thing Probably Happens at Place

By Peter Wood   At approximately sometime yesterday, eyewitnesses reported a thing happening right outside the general vicinity of a place. This represents a landmark occurrence; things happening near places is rare enough as it is, and this specific place has not had any things happen anywhere in its vicinity since at least a few… Keep Reading


How Kittens Saved My Life

By Kristan Tate   “Spread the word of MEOW.” Such was the command given to me by the friend who introduced me to the edifying, resuscitating force known as KittyKeys, a Google Chrome/Firefox App of singular proportions. For, you see, it accomplishes the glorious, righteous act of pleasuring me with cat sounds as I type.… Keep Reading


The Complete Moron’s Guide to Science (Part 2: Chemistry)

Chemistry is widely considered the most aesthetically appealing of the sciences, because it is concerned mostly with putting brightly-colored liquids into strangely-shaped glassware and staring intently into it. But what is chemistry, anyway? Chemistry is formally defined as the study of matter. (As you will recall from last time, physics studies both matter and doesn’t… Keep Reading


GM Week Events To Skip

With GM week in full swing, we wanted to give you our thoughts on which events will blow your mind and which will just… blow. GM Week has devolved from a week of celebration into a bunch of people tabling their club or charity as uninterested students shuffle to class, so skip the bullshit and… Keep Reading

Creative Writing/Fiction/Humor

We Fought a War, and the War Won

By Peter Wood It all started innocently enough. Fredward Chumplehammer, the mayor of Winskapoma Springs, made an offhand comment that sounded rather like a personal attack on the character of Halbert McNedsky, the mayor of nearby Glunkatoopa Falls. Some people from Glunkatoopa Falls started getting angry at Winskapoma Springs: drawing rude cartoons, putting up signs,… Keep Reading


We Ranked All of RPI’s Current Presidents

With so many great current presidents at RPI, it’s tough to rank them all. But we did anyway, so here it goes! #10 – Kevin Smith   #9 – Bill Davis   #8 – Shirley Ann Jackson   #7 – Your Dad   #6 – Star Wars Deadpool, Jr.   #5 – Hermitage Sinclair  … Keep Reading


The Complete Moron’s Guide to Science (Part 1)

Everything that exists can be classified into one of two categories: Matter, and Doesn’t Matter (also known as Energy). Matter is made up of particles. Energy might be made of particles as well, but it might be made of waves instead – it doesn’t really matter. There are many kinds of particles, such as electrons,… Keep Reading


RPI Announces New Ethnically-Sensitive Dorm Names

by Kristan Tate In a move of unparalleled wisdom, our resident President Shirley Ann Jackson, in her campaign of tolerance and cultural sensitivity, has decided to come clean and admit that all of the dorms in Quad were originally created to house separate ethnic groups. As a show of good faith, not only has she… Keep Reading


An Appeal For A Brighter, Warmer Future

By Peter Wood The current climate change situation is one of the most urgent problems facing our world today. Since 1950, global average temperatures have increased by approximately 0.75°C. This has largely been due to the rising levels of carbon dioxide emissions. America emits approximately 5 gigatons of CO2 per year, which is relatively small… Keep Reading


S&W’s Premium Career Fair Tips

With the annual Spring Career fair next week, we put together some helpful tips to make sure you walk out employed and happy: It’s okay to be nervous. A couple strong drinks beforehand can really help take the edge off. If this is your first career fair, it’s important to either pick a fight with… Keep Reading


It’s 2016 and Nobody Knows WTF Is Going On

It’s 2016 And Nobody Knows WTF is going on Since 2016 has been such a goddamn year already, we’re just need to take a minute to collect ourselves. We started January like we would any others, with great hopes and crippling hangovers. Since then, I’m pretty sure the world has been losing it’s collective minds.… Keep Reading

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