Yeah, they gave us a website
Category archive

Humor

Humor

Just Another RPI Survey: The Complete Results

  By Peter Wood Anyone who has visited an RPI-themed Facebook group has surely seen the innumerable surveys posted by countless frantic IED students scrambling to do market research. Tired of this spam, I decided to (with a little help from my roommate) react in the only logical way: by making my own survey. Since we… Keep Reading

The Course Selection Algorithm

After collecting data on all data collected by every student to come through RPI since 1746, and using 16 industrial sized supercomputers, each with a petabyte of RAM, we were able, by S&W’s very own patented O(nn!) brute force approach, to determine the ideal algorithm for picking courses at RPI. Keep Reading

Humor/News Analysis

FBI Believes Terrorist Organizations May Use Recalled Samsung Galaxy Note 7 Phones as Mail-Based Weapons

By Parth Bhide The story of Samsung’s Galaxy Note 7 turned dark today. A statement released by the Federal Bureau of Investigations warned Americans to be increasingly cautious of any packages they receive by mail or courier. According to the statement released on their website and on Twitter this morning, the FBI believes that several shipments… Keep Reading

Humor/News Analysis

US Populace Elects “Twitch Plays President”

by Peter Wood In a landslide decision, the United States populace voted yesterday to elect neither The Generic Corrupt Politician Who Happens to Be Female nor The Incarnate Racist Joke but instead the userbase of popular game streaming site Twitch.tv. Commentators called this alternative paradigm “less out-of-touch with millennial voters” than Clinton and “less chaotic”… Keep Reading

Humor

End Hate Speech at RPI

by Chester Kowalski Three words can change so much. That’s all it takes. Three. Words. 11:15 a.m. I was a little slow today. Normally I finish Physics Lab in an hour and leave by eleven, but today I dawdled and took an extra 15 minutes. I’ll have to watch myself, I don’t want to become… Keep Reading

Humor

Too Smashed for Smash

by Dr. Bathroom Attempted-rapist Gains McBrosef was pulled aside for a stern talking-to during a frat party in which he became “too smashed for Smash,” and interrupted a friendly Nintendo brawl with ambitions of a close encounter of the seventh kind (look it up, philistines). Luckily, a brave Statler & Waldorfian was on duty inside… Keep Reading

Humor

Résumé Advice from Union College

by Bobby Martino, Head S&W News Correspondent With everybody always trying to get internships, we decided to look into how to make one’s resume the best it can be. We were recently informed of a undergraduate student at Union College who was in the process of updating his resume so we sent one of our… Keep Reading

Humor

Some Haiku For You: Sponsored By Panera(TM) [Not really]

by Statler & Waldorfians   Now delivering! Ask about our soup special— very sumptuous.   Is it okay if I am vegan, sir—no meat. And milk is murder!   Bread bagel cookie Coffee tea and sometimes scones Please I want free food?   Panini with cheese. How much does salad cost, please? No receipt, cookie… Keep Reading

Humor

An Interview with the Major Operating Systems

Interviewer: Hello everyone. Thank you for sitting with me today. Mac: I believe you meant to say “iHello”, and you are Apple® Welcome. Windows: “Windows is installing updates (25% Completed). Please do not turn off your computer.” Interview@ubuntu:~$ ./hello Interviewer: I believe the most important topic on everyone’s mind is the economy. How do you propose… Keep Reading

Humor

FuckFit: The new fitness craze that’s arousing the nation

  Would you love a revolutionary new way to spice up your love life and get fit doing it? FuckFit is for you! Our patent-pending exercise routine is going to give you muscles where sexy people have them. 3 out of 7 scientists agree sex is a primary factor in maintaining a healthy relationship and… Keep Reading

Humor

Activities Fair Report 2016

By Dr. Bathroom Let’s get the setting down. S&W’s table is covered by copies of two versions of our issues. One with the word “SEX” prominently displayed in large letters, and one with a female on the front, because we’re realists. And I don’t know which money-for-brains administrator thought it was a good idea, but… Keep Reading

Humor

Donald Trump Diagnosed With Zika; Scientists Unsure If Ego Will Shrink

Donald J. Trump, the infamous asshole-turned-businessman-turned-politician, was diagnosed with the Zika virus in Brazil. Top scientists familiar with the Zika epidemic are currently attempting to understand the situation and how Trump contracted the disease. When asked for comment, the head of the CDC, Pomponius van Rompe, said “we’re revising our understanding of the virus, in… Keep Reading

1 2 3 7
Go to Top