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Editorial & Opinion

The Course Selection Algorithm

After collecting data on all data collected by every student to come through RPI since 1746, and using 16 industrial sized supercomputers, each with a petabyte of RAM, we were able, by S&W’s very own patented O(nn!) brute force approach, to determine the ideal algorithm for picking courses at RPI. Keep Reading

Culture/Editorial & Opinion

You Never Get Sad in Spanish Rain

by Noah Tebben This article is a continuation of the experiences I, your humble writer/travel correspondent, had while abroad in my Spring 2016 semester. Now, I was *supposed* to be studying away in France, but as any study-abroad advocate will tell you, it’s really about dat travel travel travel (I went to all of my… Keep Reading

Editorial & Opinion

Pathetic Freshman Joins Satire Magazine Staff

So Statler & Waldorf, the self-proclaimed master baiters that they are, was at the activities fair baiting in freshman boys and girls with dick jokes and “SEX” written all over their magazines (it was purely advertisement). They didn’t have the same success rate as the circlejerk known as Greek Life, but they pulled their fair… Keep Reading

We Are The Culture Of Fear

Fear us! Statler & Waldorf have officially been named the “culture of fear” at RPI by Dr. Jackson in her recent 2-hour review of our publication (masqueraded as a “Town Hall Meeting”). This comes as great news to all of us, as her review of our content touched on such popular subjects as our “Brown… Keep Reading

Editorial & Opinion

Why My Sisters Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Give Birth

By Kristan Tate Whose idea was it to force siblings to partially care for your offspring? Because siblings are horrible people by definition, so someone totally erred in judgement on that call. If I ever release copies of myself upon the universe, I would actively discourage any sib from taking part in the nurturing process… Keep Reading

Editorial & Opinion

I Blame My Tastebuds

By Kristan Tate It was about 9pm on a weekday, and I was eating Pop-TartsⓇ. My roommate walks in and, with righteous concern, questioned, “Is that your dinner?” This wasn’t the first time I had substituted mediocre sugar-fudge for a meal, and it wouldn’t be the last, so I reflexively answered, “Yep.” “Why?” he continued.… Keep Reading

Editorial & Opinion

The Broken Phone Chronicles

By Thomas Lloyd It’s hard to live a normal life without a cellphone these days. They can do so much, but their best feature is their endless ability to kill time. We wake up everyday and check our phones immediately, looking at our email, Facebook, Instagram, Tinder, and Twitter accounts. We need not to do… Keep Reading

Editorial & Opinion

Point/Counterpoint: Looking At Me

Stop Looking at Me by Your Friendly Neighborhood Misanthrope I don’t understand looking at other people while you’re walking. Look, I get it if you’re walking with a person and you guys start up a conversation, but to look at someone you don’t know and whose face you’re not talking at, especially if you’re walking… Keep Reading

Editorial & Opinion

The Million Dollar Fantasy Football Fantasy

By Thomas Lloyd What could you do with a million dollars? Anything you fucking wanted to. This year the NFL is hosting a Fantasy Football league with a grand prize of one million dollars each week for the perfect roster of eight players. The “fantasy” in fantasy football refers to playing whatever players you would… Keep Reading

Editorial & Opinion

Why I’d Like To Stop Waking Up

By Kristan Tate So here’s how just about every morning goes for me here. I wake up by the sound of alarm, grab my clothes and cleaning agents, and rush into the shower initially eager to start my day but quickly find that I’m only able to re-enact a cis-ethnic role in a civil rights… Keep Reading

Editorial & Opinion

People-Watching at RPI: No More Spaghetti

By Kris Tate Ah, watching human beings. ‘Tis a pastime. And as long as you don’t focus obsessively on one person at a time, it’s even legal. Now I grew up in southern California, where you come to expect certain general personality traits from your unwary research subjects: they are plastic, poignant, and purposeless. They… Keep Reading

Editorial & Opinion

Serious is Hard

By Julius Alexander IV Writing serious articles is hard. Of the small amount of material I’ve written, it’s all been humorous (hopefully) and I’ve never really attempted an article pertaining to heavy, depressing, or thought-provoking subject matter. And why is that? Well for starters, even coming up with an idea for a deep and insightful… Keep Reading

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