HRC2017: The Comeback Tour

in News Analysis

By: Parth Bhide

Various news outlets have reported that failed 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is considering challenging the results of the 2016 election. It seems that the former Secretary of State has decided to crawl out of her post-loss sabbatical from the limelight, and that can only mean one thing: a comeback tour! A source close to Mrs. Clinton (so, obviously, not Bill), has confirmed that Clinton has booked various flights to and from major US airports. Fans of hers who miss that grandmotherly voice with the cold passive-aggression of a seasoned Washington suit will be glad to hear that some of her greatest hits are likely to be on display, including:

  • You’re a puppet
  • Oooh, a balloon
  • Basket of deplorables
  • I am not a natural politician (I’m worse)
  • There is no evidence…

There is word that Clinton (XY) will open Clinton (XX), with classical hits like:

  • I did not have sexual relations with that women (Part 1) and,
  • I did not sleep on the White House couch (Part 2)

We spoke to Sen. Tim Kaine (obviously the fatherly manager) who could neither confirm nor deny that Mrs. Clinton will be holding a massive, Goldman-Sachs funded National Tour. It’s only a matter of time until tickets are sold out while Sanders supporters stand outside playing We Shall Overcome (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/We_Shall_Overcome_(Bernie_Sanders_album)).


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