An Appeal For A Brighter, Warmer Future

in Humor

By Peter Wood

The current climate change situation is one of the most urgent problems facing our world today. Since 1950, global average temperatures have increased by approximately 0.75°C. This has largely been due to the rising levels of carbon dioxide emissions. America emits approximately 5 gigatons of CO2 per year, which is relatively small in comparison to China’s 10 gigatons. My friends, this is not enough. If America is to be the great nation it deserves to be, we must raise this number significantly. Only three quarters of one degree? That is practically nothing! In today’s job market, a person with only three quarters of a degree will have a near-impossible time finding work.

Spring break will soon be upon us, and with it people travelling abroad in search of warmer climates. However, with enough global warming, we can convince RPI students that it is warm enough here that they don’t need to travel to have a good time, thus stimulating the local economy. Not only that, but all the money people spend on heating costs could be repurposed, raising the standard of living.

It is estimated that 90% of the earth’s freshwater is frozen in the polar ice caps. With this water, we could solve all the droughts in the world, from California to the Middle East. And what is the easiest way to melt the ice and make all this water available for consumption? Global warming. Some have raised concerns that this may cause ocean levels to rise, but is that really a bad thing? Think of all the fish who have had their habitats destroyed and need new places to live! Think of all the people who will wake up one day and realize they suddenly have beachfront property!

The problem of climate change is not one to be solved easily; America has been working on it for decades and still, as I have said, we have not even managed a single degree of global warming. If we can put a man’s footprint on the moon, why has our great nation barely put a carbon footprint on the earth? Join with me and do your part for a warmer future.