Cerebral Pantsings 5: All Aboard Coke Mountain

in Humor

Idina Menzel’s “Let it Go”: The Worst Dope Fiend in New York

First of all, let me just say that of all the songs on this list, I hate this one the most. And no, it’s not because I’m anti-feminist, this song being the theme of a feminist cartoon. I am, but that’s not the theme of this article (stay tuned). I hate this song because everyone, every day, for at least a year hesitated not to scream it out of their face-holes at all passerby for reasons unknown. I mean, it’s not as if the song was that good. I think people just liked it because it was so friggin’ loud. Well here I am now, screaming back. And really, the subtitle says it all, so let’s just dive right in.

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight

Not a footprint to be seen

A kingdom of isolation,

And it looks like I’m the queen.

So you know when you’re snorting coke, and you’re like, “You know what would make this infinitely better? If I sprinkled some snow on these lines!” No? Well good, that means you’re a functioning human being. This high-chasing protagonist is not.

So just so we’re clear, the “mountain” is referring to the amount of coke she has out there in the snow. The absence of footprints and her kingdom of isolation refers to the fact that she’s so high she can’t see the ground.

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside

Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried!

These lyrics call attention to the fact that she hasn’t done coke in a long while; too long, it would seem. She tried to suppress her yearning, but she couldn’t bear the withdrawal, so now she’s snorting coke in a storm. And as we see below, her timing for this outburst couldn’t be worse.

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see

Be the good girl you always have to be

Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know

Well, now they know!

 

Let it go, let it go

Can’t hold it back anymore

Let it go, let it go

Turn away and slam the door!

 

I don’t care

What they’re going to say

Let the storm rage on,

The cold never bothered me anyway!

Yep, this is all going on during a police raid. That’s who “them” is: the fuzz. At first, she tries to act like an “upstanding citizen,” asking to see a warrant and all that jazz, but the need for speed was too great, and she ends up bursting through the back door into the cold, cold night, stash in hand (wait, sorry, no, I’m being told that “speed” is actually methamphetamine, not cocaine; but that joke was so good I’m going to leave it in).

It’s funny how some distance

Makes everything seem small

And the fears that once controlled me

Can’t get to me at all!

 

It’s time to see what I can do

To test the limits and break through

No right, no wrong, no rules for me I’m free!

This is her commenting on how snorting even a short line can make everything else zoom out drastically, propelling her into ecstasy’s sky. It’s this incredible feeling of not caring about anything but how good she currently feels that drives away all extremely valid fears of getting caught by the popo.
The rest this is just her babbling on about how being so high as to make Puff the Magic Dragon blush is totally amazing. The “good girl” that she aimed at being during her hiatus is completely gone: she is woman, hear her snort (This sentence was written on International Women’s Day).