Cerebral Pantsings 3: Stay With Me

in Culture

This week on Cerebral Pantsings: Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me”: His Wooden Prostitute

One of the harder lyrical beasts to accurately decipher, Sam Smith’s “Stay” threw me curve for curve for hours to the point where the only way I could glean its meaning was to employ some high level cryptanalysis, the methods of which I came up with myself. Now I warn you, this is some heavy shrakh I’m about to introduce you to, so if you’re in anyway squeamish when it comes to the reorganization of whole lines of script, you can’t sue us!

Guess it’s true, I’m not good at a one nightstand

But I still need love ’cause I’m just a man

These nights[tands] never seem to go to plan

I don’t want you to leave, will you hold my hand?


Oh, won’t you stay with me?

‘Cause you’re all I need

This ain’t love, it’s clear to see

But darling, stay with me

Now, if you don’t know what a nightstand is, go on, google pictures. I’ll still be here when you’re done.

Right then, now that we’ve established that the protagonist is clearly a failed carpenter looking for love, we can begin to understand just what Sam is jiving us with. It becomes evident to the carpenter that the only way he’s going to get love is by making it. So he does. But in a vein similar to Frankenstein, he sucks at his job, so his creation is an ugly, disheveled mess. However, realizing that while this may not exactly be love, this is the closest he’ll ever come, he pleads for her to stay.

Why am I so emotional?

No, it’s not a good look, gain some self-control

And deep down I know this never works

But you can lay with me so it doesn’t hurt

Alright, this part is the creation speaking. Feeling all emotions at once (because imagine how she’s being born from the hands of an inept creator as a fully grown women knowing that his only intention is to have sex with her. Also, she’s catching up for like 100 periods), she lashes out at the carpenter, yelling at him for being the inept idiot that he is. Eventually, however, he calms her down (or rather, her mood changes because, remember, 100 periods at once) long enough to convince her to stay. And she does.

In summary: Ew.