Why I’d Like To Stop Waking Up

in Editorial & Opinion

By Kristan Tate

So here’s how just about every morning goes for me here. I wake up by the sound of alarm, grab my clothes and cleaning agents, and rush into the shower initially eager to start my day but quickly find that I’m only able to re-enact a cis-ethnic role in a civil rights march break-up. After I finish picking up my flayed skin from off the shower floor, I move toward making sure my general mouth area doesn’t kill anyone with its repugnant nature that day. I then go back into my room, check the time from my laptop, go on YouTube, check the time on my laptop again, scramble to get ready for my morning class, and step into the dawning day.

Honestly, why the crack do we have so much nature here? Every morning I feel like I walking through life itself. The sun kisses the flora like a long lost lover, the squirrels walk right up to you as if to shake your hand, and all the while you can do nothing but admire the inherent beauty of the world as you walk to class. It’s beautiful. Too beautiful. And right when you’re about to fall to your knees and cry because of the sheer wondrousness of the world, you get a funny feeling in your head. And then the realization of the feeling’s significance kicks in. And you sneeze. Because you’re allergic. To beauty.

So basically what I’m saying is I’d like to stop having my spirit crushed every morning. I want to get clean? Fine, but we’re doing it at one million miles per hour. You want to be entertained by the internet for five minutes? Fine, but you’re going to have a mini-panic attack getting to class. What’s that? You want to see the most beautiful thing in the world? Well I guess, but I hope you realize that your body hates you. Oh, and good luck in class today!

Now, I know that I’m basically complaining about nothing: if I have hay fever, I should take medication; if I want to watch cat videos, I should set an alarm on my phone; if my shower head is wonky, I should suck it up and take it like a man its just a hard shower you wuss it’s not going to break your bones it’s just going to sting a bit you baby. But instead of doing any of those things, I chose to write this article. And now I’m hungry, so I’m going to go out to eat and never do any of the solutions I just came up with. Why, you ask? Because I’m tired.