The Million Dollar Fantasy Football Fantasy

in Editorial & Opinion

By Thomas Lloyd

What could you do with a million dollars? Anything you fucking wanted to. This year the NFL is hosting a Fantasy Football league with a grand prize of one million dollars each week for the perfect roster of eight players. The “fantasy” in fantasy football refers to playing whatever players you would play if you were a coach, if you could pick your favorites out of everyone. This however is not the real objective, you need to pick the best, the most perfect players each week regardless of personal biases.

Each roster must consist of one quarter back, two running backs, two wide receivers, one tight end, one kicker, and one defense or special teams. Sounds pretty easy right? All one would have to do is make eight correct choices in a row. An average person probably watches sports when they remember to but never forgets to watch The League, and knows some of the rules but is still completely confused by others. Luckily there are plenty of ratings sites where you can view the best teams and players as well as analyst sites where there are projections for player’s performances the next week.

It wouldn’t be insane to suggest that if someone, perhaps the writer of this article, was to quit his job and drop out of school and put all of his time and energy into fantasy football that he could win the one-million-dollar grand prize by the end of the 17-week season. Would it be worth it though? Economists know the term opportunity cost means the highest valued, next best alternative that is sacrificed to buy or participate in something. In this fantasy scenario the sacrifice is an education, a loss of income via quitting your job for 17 weeks, and the loss of approval and love of your parents and the something you obtain is one-million-dollars. It’s hard to imagine a person whose education and salary for 17 weeks is more than one-million-dollars. From this viewpoint, it’s economically responsible to quit your job and drop out to participate in fantasy football. Do it. It’ll be more fun, too.

So here you are. No job, and not enrolled in school. Where do you go from here? First things first, put on ESPN and leave it on all day and night. Listen to what the analysts say. Listen to them in your sleep. Buy whatever cable package you can get which allows you to watch as many football games as possible, then watch them all and listen to the announcers. Do your online research. Follow the best players on twitter to see how they’re doing emotionally, and memorize the matchups for the week. Don’t be discouraged when you don’t win the first week, practice makes perfect and this is a learning process. As the season goes on, you’ll start to see which teams are good this year, and which players are the highest scoring in terms of fantasy football. By the middle of the season you should be getting closer. Six out of eight right, so close, keep up the good work though. By the end of the season you should have won the one-million-dollar grand prize (you would’ve one twice but that’s not allowed).

Here you are one million dollars richer. Congratulations! This is where the real fantasy begins. You can live out your wildest dreams. You can buy an actual NFL team and fire a player that screwed you over seven weeks ago. You can travel the world, or buy a house and settle down. However, it is my responsibility as the writer to advise that you invest about 30% of your winnings but never more than 10% of your wealth in a single investment. With this sort of money in your bank account, you can do this every year. So as the leaves change colors and the days get shorter allow yourself to sit back, grab a beer, watch some football, and change your life forever.