Farewell, GM Keraga

in Humor

You know Kyle Keraga ’15 as RPI’s 149th Grand Marshal. He was Student Life Committee Chair for two years and has worked hard to promote student rights and the student experience. He is the first GM in a while to not commit any campus-wide scandals himself (knock on wood!). Statler & Waldorf has gone behind the scenes to find out more about this rare GM.

Keraga started out his freshman year as an average Vasudha resident, sleeping in the Vasudha classroom with the rest of his floormates until this was banned. According to an anonymous source, sleeping in the Vasudha classroom with 30-40 other people is considered a fire hazard. Keraga’s Resident Assistant, the great Kyle Monahan ’12, was responsible for turning Keraga into the man and Grand Marshal we know him as today. Monahan was of course rooked into joining Student Senate by Anasha Cummings in a write-in campaign led by said Cummings. Keraga has tried to distance himself from hippie-dom in a few ways, most notably the lack of long hair (see below) and his very strong aftershave. A hippie, according to Keraga, wouldn’t wear aftershave or even deodorant.

S&W’s Former Resident Hippie (left) and GM Kyle Keraga (right). We are very surprised that they are matching.

During his tenure as first Student Senator, then GM, Keraga accomplished many projects. S&W would like to highlight a few, especially bringing to attention several projects with backgrounds that most students don’t know about. During his sophomore year as SLC Chair, one of Keraga’s projects was to ensure that a program included “things men would like.” We at S&W will let you figure out what he meant by that. Keraga also tried to start a Rensselaer Study Network to help him cheat; when that didn’t work, he got the excuse policy changed his junior year so he could skip all of his classes.

Keraga’s projects weren’t just about academics. Another of his junior year Student Senate projects was an on-campus pharmacy to secretly set up a drug cartel. Keraga worked with his mystery girlfriend on this project. With all of the money Keraga and his mystery girlfriend were able to get through the drug cartel, they traveled to the Grand Canyon as shown below.

Keraga is an avid sports fan. He religiously watches the Super Bowl every year, starting with watching his freshman year in the Vasudha lounge. He claims that his football watching habits are what saved him from becoming a hippie. “I watched a lot of sports to keep from being too involved in Vasudha and turning into a hippie,” he told S&W in an exclusive interview.

One little-known fact that came out of our exclusive interview is that Keraga lived in North Hall his junior year. He told us that he hated living there so much that he convinced President Jackson to close it at the end of this year.

Keraga’s term as Grand Marshal was marked by several projects, most notably Arizona Iced Teas. Keraga explained the importance of Arizona Iced Teas to us, but we still didn’t understand. Why would students need caffeine-filled junk drinks?

Lastly, we leave you with a picture of Keraga in his rightful place: in jail for Freshman Intimation. We aren’t sure what exactly this crime is, but we think it might have something to do with the annual Student Government Orgy. Look at how maniacal his face is!

We always knew this guy was evil…